Ben Rusch


      AURALLEPSY!

                  au.ral:    of or relating to the ear

                  lep.sy:   to seize, to attack

 
 
 
 
 
 
"One of the most inventive and talented songwriters in the business today"

 
- Isaac Davis Jr. MBA, Editor in Chief of Junior's Cave Online Magazine
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

Song lyrics

 
All lyrics by Ben Rusch, except lyrics for The Truth Of All Love which were created by Simon Charlton 

That Night When We Fell Away

I haven’t felt so lonesome, babe
Since last you held me in your arms
The moon shone cold and sinister
And the stars were bitter charms
 
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
 
Through drifting smoke I first saw you, babe
And time froze like the blood in my veins
Heaven revealed in the gleam of your eyes
To my desert heart you brought life with your gentle rain
 
Our days and nights were a carnival, babe
The air burned with limitless pleasure
My world was contained in the world of your smile
And each bead of your sweat I claimed as priceless treasure
 
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
 
What caused you to turn your back on me babe?
What caused the world of your smile to fade?
My heart knew its truth before you said a word
I knew that all our promises were unmade
 
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
 
I saw my death framed in your eyes, babe
And time froze like the blood in my veins
Heaven lay abandoned in the frost of your eyes
My heart returned to desert without the touch of your gentle rain
 
My world became a wilderness, babe
As I sifted the sands of my brutal despair
I wondered at the depths my sorrow could plunge
Holding the mirror’s gaze with a vacant stare
 
The years that we had shared between us, babe
Were fading memories, sterile and cold
All the secrets that were left to tell
Remain promises untold
 
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
That night when we fell away
That night when we fell
 
And I will know your sacred ocean, the depthless sleep you dream
And I will know the mystery of your breathing
And I will be there through your nights when you dream
And I will be your shelter when the storms rage
 
And I will gather all your sorrow when the stars shatter in a frozen scream
Yes, I will gather your blue aching sadness like diamonds from a sunwashed stream.
 
And I will pray in the shadows you cast when you dream
And I will anoint your sacred flesh with my tears
And I will banish the ghosts from the world where you dream
And I will wrestle your demons on a timeless shore
 
And I will gather all your sorrow when the stars shatter in a frozen scream
Yes, I will gather your blue aching sadness like diamonds from a sunwashed stream.
 
And I will be the colours in the magical weave that you dream
And I will be the trembling witness washed in your eyes
And I will love you for a long time because you’re holy
And I will love you for a long time because you’re holy

And She My Vision Will Again Be Known

I wrote a song of sorrow
Of smokestack tears to banish the sun
I wrote a song for the one I loved
She the world, my dream entire
She now faded, she now gone
She my vision of the kingdom to come
She my vision of the kingdom to come.
 
I wrote a song of sorrow
Of a darkness cold beyond the sun
I wrote a song to cloak her absence
She the world, my dream entire
She now faded, she now gone
She my vision of the kingdom to come
She my vision of the kingdom to come.
 
When this heart’s wreckage is laid to rest
And the cold earth closes on these brittle bones
I will enter her pearlbright kingdom
And she my vision will again be known.
 
I wrote a song of sorrow
Of memories born beneath a dying sun
I wrote a song for one now lost
She the world, my dream entire
She now faded, she now gone
She my vision of the kingdom to come
She my vision of the kingdom to come.
 
When this heart’s wreckage is laid to rest
And the cold earth closes on these brittle bones
I will enter her pearlbright kingdom
And she my vision will again be known
Yes, I will enter her pearlbright kingdom
And she my vision will again be known.
 

She Comes To Me in My Hour of Weakness

When my eyes are stripped naked in startling revelation
And the sun’s a festering wound above a dying lung-scorched plain
When the raw bleeding horror of the world is revealed
And the masks of delusion can no longer be sustained
 
When we conjure the poisons of our own destruction
And the spells we cast are born of alchemies profane
When the vision of beauty is lost to curdling tides of corruption
And the promise of hope gibbers only in the minds of the insane
 
She comes to me in my hour of weakness
When my strength it fails, when resistance is vain
She comes to me and is a world of silence
She comes to me and is a world of rain
To my shallow cupped hands by grace she is delivered
She is a moment’s redemption midst this world of pain.
 
When the veils of the dreaming are plundered and torn
And the memory of love is all that remains
When the poet’s moon is a blood-streaked tear
And the stars in their paling are the ghosts of exhausted flames
 
When desire is known only by its absence
And the mirror turns away in quiet disdain
When the heart is sorrow, an ashen wilderness
And the soul is crippled and broken and maimed
 
She comes to me in my hour of weakness
When my strength it fails, when resistance is vain
She comes to me and is a world of silence
She comes to me and is a world of rain
To my shallow cupped hands by grace she is delivered
She is a moment’s redemption midst this world of pain.

I will love you until the end of days
Until this world trembles upon the brink of extinction
Until all shadows quiver, eventually to fade
Cast by the dying sun’s exhausted rays.
 
For you are the rose and you are the fire
The dream of all wonder, my eternal desire
For you are the vision and you are the light
The mystery of all beauty, my darkest velvet night.
 
And now I conjure you on a bonewhite shore
I have given you my everything but long to give you more
But as the ghost of you shimmers into final absence
I am left to commune with heartstorms and violence.
 
For you are the grief and you are the sadness
The well of all suffering, my unutterable madness
For you are the sterile wasteland and you are the desolation
The heart’s truth of all sorrow, my tears of resignation.
 
I will love you until the end of days
Until this world trembles upon the brink of extinction
Until all stars quiver, eventually to fade
And an exhausted universe collapses into decay. 
 
The ballads are soaked in whisky
And our tears are of London Gin
I never thought that to fall in love
Could be such a wretched sin.
 
We drink to bury our sorrows
And watch the hours slip away
They become all our lost tomorrows
But we drink, it’s our only way.
 
The only way to contend with the sadness
That seems to drip from the very walls
The only way to deal with the madness
That consumes us, one and all.
 
We listen to the old songs
Lose ourselves to their sad refrain
The poet’s voice is cracked and raw
It is the mirror to our dream’s demise
The echo of our sordid pain
 
We drink to still the wretched heart
Where the dark breath of the furies holds sway
Pounding their fists in their senseless art
But we drink, it’s our only way.
 
The only way to contend with the melancholy rage
When thought’s dark legions descend
The only way to contend with this dying age
Until we reach oblivion’s end.
 
We listen to the old songs
Lose ourselves in our own sad refrain
The poet’s voice is cracked and raw
It is the mirror to our dream’s demise
The echo of our sordid pain
 

How Long Must I Wait Until The Ocean?

How long must I wait until the ocean?
How long must I wait until the rain?
How long must I wait upon the silence?
To sanctify my heart once again
To sanctify my heart once again.
 
How long must I wait until the sorrows pass?
How long must I wait until the rain?
How long must I wait to trace the curve of your smile?
To sanctify my heart once again
To sanctify my heart once again.
 
How long until the vision forms
How long until the gentle rain
How long must I wait until the world is reborn
To sanctify my heart once again
 
How long must I wait until the shadows lift?
How long must I wait until the rain?
How long must I wait to swim your sacred depths?
To sanctify my heart once again
To sanctify my heart once again.
 
How long must I wait until the healing hour?
How long must I wait until the rain?
How long must I wait to drink your secret tears?
To sanctify my heart once again
To sanctify my heart once again.
 
How long until the falling star
How long until the gentle rain
How long must I wait until the rising moon
To sanctify my heart once again
 
How long must I wait to hear your song of songs?
How long must I wait until the rain?
How long must I wait to enter the realm of your senses
To sanctify my heart once again
To sanctify my heart once again.
 
We fade into the grey undone
Where the silver brows of the angels tremble as they sleep
We shall drift into the grace of unbecoming
Dreaming soft green fathoms oceans deep
To sow the seeds of our immortality
A shining harvest of rapture to reap
We shall taste the fruit of glory’s kingdom
And ecstatic illumination shall be the tears that we weep
 
O come to me my sweetest love
And take my unworthy hand
O come to me my sweetest love
We shall take flight together through the Promised Land
 
Lost to the delicate embrace of sweetest smothering
We shall sing songs of silence to banish all pain
Folded within the arms of tender forgiveness
Our arid souls shall be reborn in the crystal rain
Such dreaming shall find realization
Midst the swirling shades of deepest night
As we are welcomed into sublimity
As we are swallowed by oblivion’s majestic light
So let us spread our tarnished wings
And into that Promised Land take flight
 
O come to me my sweetest love
And take my unworthy hand
O come to me my sweetest love
We shall vanish together through the Promised Land
 

The Ghost Of You Is The Heart Of Me

You’re the ghost in my world all-consuming
Where mirrors hold memories in petrified silence
Where the trees scratch sinister through winter darkness
Etching my dreams with blood storms and violence
 
Where time is the fragile witness
To the death of hours, the falling of the days
Where you drift at the limits of vision
A Terrible Beauty held within a moon-washed face
 
Where the stars burn cold their judgement
In my scarred yet lucid imagination
Where the moon crumbles to jaundiced dust
In my fists of darkness and degradation
 
I would drown to be born again
In the soft green depths of your ocean
And I would happily surrender
To your deathworld mystery
 
And I sing you into existence eternal
For the ghost of you is the heart of me
The ghost of you is the heart of me
Yes, I sing you into existence eternal
For the ghost of you is the heart of me
 
Where your voice is tidal memory
Swelling shimmering bittersweet blue
Drowning my heart-dictated senses
With soul-burning visions of you
 
You’re the ghost in my world of heart-secret tears
Of fallen stars, shattered prayers and sorrow
Whispering the perpetual death of dreams
Revealing agonies we must face tomorrow
 
My eyes still seek the distance of horizons
Where the grace of your shadow may one day fall
And these words I write are clouds across my heart
My end and my beginning – my all
 
I would drown to be born again
In the soft green depths of your ocean
And I would happily surrender
To your deathworld mystery
 
And I sing you into existence eternal
For the ghost of you is the heart of me
The ghost of you is the heart of me
Yes, I sing you into existence eternal
For the ghost of you is the heart of me
 

In Loneliness and Wine

Cool white of infinite perception is my truth in madness
A shimmering reflection that swamps the night
O cascade of tears, yet buries at least for the hour
My darkest brooding of fears
 
My companion in the hours that weep with sorrow
My grace at eventide and my pain tomorrow
 
Dragged now with razors through hours dark and deep
When the normal, the breeding, when such bastards sleep
And I in my scaffold of self-loathing and fears
End berating the mirror into naked, bloody tears
 
That are nothing but symbol, my final disgrace
As the sun rises again to a world I cannot face
My companion in the hours that weep with sorrow
My grace at eventide and my pain tomorrow
 
My companion in the hours that weep with sorrow
My grace at eventide and my pain tomorrow
 
For me heart, my soul, my vision seem sordid, yet divine
Perhaps it is the lonliness, perhaps it is the wine
 
My companion in the hours that weep with sorrow
My grace at eventide and my pain tomorrow
 

The World Is Turned To Darker Days

Emotions are exhausted
The dream itself runs dry  
The world has turned to darker days
Our truth revealed beneath impassive skies.
 
How could such devotion endure?
Ill-founded to struggle on shifting sands
No matter the depth of our desires and longing
The prayers we shaped in gentlest hands.
 
Let the world turn on without me
Let the hours in silence bleed away
Let me gradually fade from your conscious mind
In the enduring depth of your dreams to lay.
 
Our love was born in shadow and sorrow
Our hearts to the realm of suffering
We must now retreat into our secret selves
There are no more songs of joy to sing.
 
Let the world turn on without me
Let the hours in silence bleed away
Let me gradually fade from your conscious mind
In the enduring depth of your dreams to lay.
 
I can still taste the wine on your tongue
The sweat of sweetest death on your skin
I can still see the dream in your eyes
(Infinite wonder, infinite surprise)
Tell me, how could such a love be a sin?              
How could such a love be a sin?
 
I can still trace the curve of your smile
For which the Gods I would eternally defy
I can still see the dream in your eyes
(Limitless horizons, limitless skies)
Tell me, how could such a love be a lie?
How could such a love be a lie?
 
I can still feel the tender mercy of your breath
Shaping starlight to the mystery of song     
I can still see the dream in your eyes
(Limitless horizons, limitless skies)
Tell me, how could such a love be so wrong?
How could such a love be so wrong?
 
I can still touch the sorrow of your tears
Their silver glistening heartbitter pain
I can still see the dream in your eyes
(Infinite wonder, infinite surprise)
Tell me, how could such a love cause so much pain?
How could such a love cause so much pain?

Where the wild things are

Excuse me if it looks like I’m completely disengaged
From the vacuous expression staring blandly into space
But from time to time
I need to take my mind
Where the wild things are
 
If I look right past the obvious in things that I perceive
There’s a chance despite a bland façade there’s beauty underneath
But to get a clearer view
Of the subtle hues
I need to close my eyes
 
And right behind
The half-closed eyes
Is a world of endless bliss, the rest is noise
You’re welcome to join
 
Let me reassure you I’m still here and I won’t go away
But sometimes when my mind goes wild I need to join the fray
When the tempers flare
You can find me there
Trying to calm things down
 
Sometimes I like to revel in the miracle you are
From the safety of my own thoughts and I won’t be gone too far
From time to time
I really need to hide
where the wild things are
 
And right behind
The half-closed eyes
Is a world of endless bliss, the rest is noise
You’re welcome to join
 

Hand me a jet pack

Someone hand me a jet pack
so I can blow myself upright
this is no innuendo
I've only been asleep too tight
 
Someone hand me a fork lift
so I can shift myself out of bed
hanging on to a taut rope
Sighing, sobbing with a throbbing head
 
We'll get this day started yet
 
Can whoever brought water
fetch a large pack of aspirin as well
While I’m massaging my temples
Emerging ever so slowly from hell
 
And anyone with experience
Of pushing beached whales back to sea
Looking for a new challenge
Can contact me ASAP
For practical testing on me
 
Hint of the Day:
First the first few hours
I‘m not there as such
Once I’m awake
Re-evaluate
Don’t expect too much
 
[Much] too early to stand straight
Might have to lie down for a bit
Give the blood flow a head start
While I take another caffeine hit
 
That’s almost it for the moment
A quick nap is all that I need
You can let yourself out, thanks
Shut the door and lights off when you leave
Leave the fork lift and jet pack with me
 
You’ve been stuck in this fairytale castle for what seems to be a good few days
So you need a knight in shining armour and a military engineer to help you escape
But when you get within a five-mile radius of the place there’s hill after hill to climb
And when you get to the top, there are guard dogs with impeccable reaction times
 
So I’d quite like
To come and rescue you
But I just might
Have better things to do
You can save yourself
 
There’s a moat full of monsters that haven’t eaten in a while and they’re all carnivores
There’s a footbridge across but it creaks so much the noise will be quite hard to ignore
And there are archers with excellent vision staring down from the battlements at night
With a stockpile of a thousand arrows and production lines to feed their supply
 
So I’m not sure
That I can save you today
Cause my favourite TV show’s on
So I’ll best be on my way
You can save yourself
 
Covering cold feet
with warm sheets
as a new day is fading in
 
Facing the bright light
with closed eyes
and imagine it from within
 
Taking a slow breath
with limbs outstretched
a contended, voiceless sigh
 
Yawning the day to life
with a lion smile
 
And driving the new morning’s slow gear
When at random times throughout the day
The dreamy metaphors appear
The dots and lines are patternless, opaque
And the only thing that’s apparent
Is that they won’t become transparent
If you decipher metaphors they don’t translate
 
Timid an unsung
morning can come
Streaming in through all the cracks
 
Further away from home
and the city drones
feeling the mind unwind, relax
 
Clutching the tail end
of a dream that was sent
to join in last night's sleep
 
Dreaming in photos and God only knows
what any of them mean
 
Redrawing the plot lines fragmented in time
They’re coming in ranks and files and crooked lines
The messages are always vague
And the only thing that’s apparent
Is that they won’t become transparent
If you decipher metaphors they don’t translate
 
In the beginning I was all alone and free to roam the earth just as I pleased
So at first I found it hard to grasp the benefits of surgery on me
But things got old eventually so I had words with my old man upstairs
And one rib later you were there, the answer to my meeting and my prayers
 
So Eve, make yourself at home, and a cordial welcome to our world
And Eve, without hyperbole, you’ll see that it’s a paradise on earth
 
Do you feel that familiarity, it’s like we’ve known each other for several days
We’re under strict orders to procreate, so let’s go to work and start a human race
I might just be a prototype but I’m definitely the best human you can get
And other females who could vouch for me, you know they haven’t been created yet
 
So Eve, will the fact that I’m an alpha male help you set your mind at ease
And Eve, do you see that morning dew, let’s you get you out of these wet fig leaves
 
You know what moron snake that you like so much, he's full of it and headed straight for hell
His eyesight is sub-par so he only see you when you move as well
But if you like him that’s ok with me, I still have a few spare ribs up my chest
Our dad can fix a version 2.0 for me, new-and-improved, perhaps that’s best
 
And Eve, sometimes I feel it’s as if you were made for me
So I feel distinctly blue when I see you with that spineless worm near the God-damned tree
 
I know you need your space sometimes
But I’m not convinced you’re straight with me
Sometimes I feel you’re not even listening to me even though I’m the only other being round here with the cognitive facility for intelligible speech
 
But we don’t have to sort this out right now let’s just enjoy a little break
We can always talk it over after lunch, I’ve fixed you some boiled snake
 
If I had a dime
For the number of times
I was surprised to find things were ok
I’d be left with small change
Of significant weight
That I can’t use here in the UK
 
And if I’m still here
This time next year
I’ll be pleasantly taken aback
Crazy how you survive
Just by staying alive
Even when you’re not on the right track
 
If I had a dime
For the number of times
I found shortcuts to scale the way down
All the way from the top
Without pausing for breath
Or to contemplate turning around
 
And if I'm still here
In a thousand years
I'll be writhing in flashbacks at night
To the countless omissions
And failed ambitions
And things that I didn't get right
 
And if we're still here
In a thousand years
Then my guess is we're doing just fine
I’d assume that by then
We’ll feel different again
About things that felt wrong at the time
 

Where to put that foot

If we haven’t met forgive me in advance
Because there’s a pretty much one-in-one chance
That I might well somehow offend you today
Let’s get the apologies out of the way
 
If you remind me later, I’ll phone up and apologise again
 
The problem you have with a heart on your sleeve
Is that it gets stuck there before you take leave
You tend to forget that it’s there when you speak
Where’s censorship when that’s just what you need
 
Can someone invent the browser BACK button equivalent for speech
 
I’ve put my foot in it so many times
I might as well leave it here if that’s alright
I’ll come back to get it when I’m back next time
For now, it’s sorry and apologies, goodbye
For your info, I can eat my words but my foot’s there to stay
 
So what will you think if you see me again
Will I be demoted to “friend of a friend”
Or will you find comfort to some degree
In my haven of my idiosyncrasy
 
In my opinion you can never get bored with high-risk and high-reward
 
I’ve put my foot in it so many times
I’d rather just leave it here if that’s alright
I’ll come back to get it when I’m back next time
For now, it’s so long and farewell and goodbye
Tell your friends we’ve never met before and I’ll support the lie
 

The thought of you is new

The thought of you is new
Not the cause but all effects
Any effect at all
 
I woke up slow and low
With a blurred and misty cloudy mind
Foggy and subdued
 
And with clarity emerged the crisp and vivid shape of you
 
And I’m impressed
Though my head feels slightly messed with and confused
Monopolised by thoughts of you
 
I didn’t see the key
Dangling from your necklace
Freshly cut and poised for more
 
And silently indeed
You rearranged the furniture
Scented the room with alpine fir
 
You’ve changed this place so much we can’t go back to where we were
 
How did you rise
From a placid lake to a storm surge tide
You took the barriers in your stride
How did you get
From the corner of my mind to centre stage
With pyrotechnics and shiny special effects
State of the art sound and background singers garishly dressed
 
You stand here loud and proud
You rose from country music
All the way to Jethro Tull
 
How did you find - the time
To purchase a majority
Of shares in my small company
 
Managing the board with casting vote and veto rights
 
How did you rise
From the Denmark to the UK of my mind
To a straight flush from a mere Queen-high
I thought you were
Only holding the pen to take some notes
To find you drew the story all along
And now you craft the chapters, run the show
 
How did you rise
To be central to the story of my life
 

Architects of time

It's 4 by 6 inches in black and white
The photograph is two-dimensional
And your expression is indifferent there
Perhaps the look was unintentional
 
So I really should go back in time
And make sure that you smile a little more
 
So we might not see all the present holds
But the past can be tweaked and story arcs refined
Since we can change the way time unfolds
The way we want it done
And the people we become
Are shaped by us as architects of time
 
And while we're at it might I be so bold
To move us closer retroactively
And put your hand in mine for me to hold
And turn your pretty face a few degrees
 
Towards the place that I'll be standing
This time round it's better than before
 
So we might not see all the future holds
But the present can be tweaked and story arcs refined
Since we can change the way time unfolds
When bereft of all remorse
We swerve violently off course
And create new paths as architects of time
 
And the fate that we outrun
And the people we become
Are shaped by us as architects of time
 
So - how’s it cooking as of late
Are you still boiling over cause and consequence
So - are you collecting status quo’s
Why would you want to put a crown on this silence
 
I’m applying for judicial review
Be that as it may, I wouldn’t choose it over you
 
From a weightless depth in double helix shapes
You and I are rising entwined in our escape
And we're orbiting in circles as we rise
To the equidistant space between you and I
 
So - how’s it looking as of late
When did you ditch the need to wait/deliberate
So - when did patience get the sack
At what point in time were rules of reason axed
 
They’re still not insignificant to me
 
So - how many light bulbs does it take
To screw all the blues that dark nights, stark fights make
So - bioluminescence left aside
When would you be willing to become a white bright light
 
Obviously speaking metaphorically
I’m submerged and going under over you
 
From a weightless depth in double helix shapes
You and I are rising entwined in our escape
And we're orbiting in circles as we rise
To the equidistant space between you and I
 

Time to go

The countdown passed, no lingering
There’s no time left to share
No leaning in for a last embrace
Or a chance to smell your hair
 
No parting words, no holding hands
No final touch from you
One final kiss, that’s all there is
When it’s time to go you go
 
No inside jokes, no favourite song
Familiar turns to strange
No last wish, no voiced regret
No longing looks exchanged
 
The script complete, the plot’s wrapped up
The chapter’s done and closed
No sequel planned for the life we began
When it’s time to go you know
 
In automaton mode I took a few things I owned
From the shelves and I boxed them up too
The rest you can keep, they’re things I don’t need
And things that remind me of you
 
The moment I walk down the stairs
The suitcase on the floor
Know that I won’t come back again
I force myself through the door
 
I tell my hands to pull it shut
And somehow they obey
No plans for when we might meet again
When it’s time to go you go
 

Fissile Isle

I’ve free-lanced for this entity for some time now and my role isn’t small
We spend a lot of time in meetings that just don’t seem to go anywhere at all
My inadvertent full-time job is to keep an eye on where free neutrons are
And the ultimate objective is to stop this nucleus from splitting apart
 
The mass of these amassed debates
Is critical, it radiates
We need to try to touch it and diffuse
Unlock the door, it’s not too late
To go inside and moderate
The fissile chain reaction that ensues
Or else we’re old news
 
This forest can sustain a broad diversity of life forms in its midst
So all the better if we let it breathe and leave it just the way it is
The trees sway back and forth tracing exactly the direction where winds blow
They are objective arbiters when our own visibility is low
 
I’m trying to slow the slash and burn
I’m fighting fires at every turn
While someone else has felled even more trees
I barely have the chance to wipe
The sawdust off our hands in time
To beat the fire down with my bare feet
I’m in need of reprieve
 
Do we add another item to the list of nightmares that have now come true
I certainly had no designs to out the closet arsonist in you
The bridge between the two of us is soaked in petrol all the way ahead
And if it doesn’t burn you’ll try to bring it down mechanically instead
 
You oscillate from side to side
The amplitude is getting higher
It resonates and it’s starting to crack
To dampen it I try to sway
From side the side the other way
I really want to keep this bridge intact
Once it’s gone there’s no way back
 

For Niall and Glenn

 
The climate here is pretty decent most of the time
It’s tranquil and calm and the sun occasionally shines
So you don’t mind the inevitable rain
You roll your eyes and you don’t complain
 
We have a special place to stay
To weather the storm when cold winds are blowing our way
When it chills our bones a little too cold
We have a safe haven to warm the soul
 
We make the signal and step in the boat
when the weather on land is rough
We’ve got each other and that’s way more than enough
 
And it’s hard to know sometimes
Whether to disarm or whether to fight
Whether to come right out or whether to hide
Whether to punch right back or whether to smile
 
And a thousand angry tornados
can’t shake or move me at all
not one inch away from your heart
We can’t be torn asunder by a thousand ignorant darts
 
And you’re my favourite place to lose myself
And you’re my favourite home in which to dwell
 
Let’s just hide out here in ourselves for a bit
You can shield the chill with your infamous wit
You have your king-size heart and all the things I love you for
And when the coast is clear we’ll sail back to shore
 
And even drenched in rain you’re the most beautiful sight
my heart’s ever been lucky enough to even see
Nothing around me could make any more sense to me
And you only need to make sense to me
 
And you’re my favourite place to lose myself
And you’re my favourite home in which to dwell
And you’re the strongest shoulder to lean on
And you’re the best smile in all of St John’s
 
 

The Wicked Witch of the West (or: as good as it gets)

I haven’t known this girl for all that long
But I have to say in principle we sort of get along
Provided I don’t talk too much and we always do whatever she prefers
 
And our pastimes in general aren’t always quite the same
I studied law, so clearly I’m no stranger to pain
But I really must persuade her to stop punching me with quite so much verve
 
I was hoping we could have a tranquil night in
With a hot bath running and the lights slightly dimmed
With calm music playing in the background and a large glass of wine
 
And I was hoping while we’re in the bath tub, not to be cliché...
But she didn’t quite catch on to the idea that I’d conveyed
Cause what happened then was like the psycho shower scene with her holding the knife
 
Is this as good as it gets
I’m not complaining, I’m just mildly horrified
Can I occasionally kiss
your lips and not your heels all the time
 
Recently I’ve learned to watch the drinks that I consume
Not in terms of how much but in terms of not leaving the room
She’s got a pack of ninety roofies in her purse and they’re all meant for me
 
So lately I’ve got used to waking up at odd times
With little memory of the previous hours in mind
Feeling beaten up and scared that maybe she did something in my sleep
 
Last week she really put my constitution to the test
I don’t remember most of it, which is really for the best
But I vividly recall the sight that greeted me when I woke up in a haze
 
She was all dressed in black leather and was brandishing a whip
“Is there a costume party I forgot?” I nervously quipped
And I won’t be too specific about what happened next but I couldn’t sit for days
 
Is this as good as it gets
Perhaps a cinema simile here is best
I was looking for someone like this Kansas’s Dorothy
And not so much for the Wicked Witch of the West
 
Is this as good as it gets
I find your brand of crazy hard to resist
But at some point we should talk
Using our mouths this time and not your fists
 

The Pop diva trajectory

Let’s meet at your office at half past three
To produce a juicy, colourful press pack for me
To finish casting for a baby girl that photographs well
And a relatable group of friends and family as well
 
My family, although they went to rather posh schools
Will have a go at regional accents too
And let’s make sure that for the next TV interview
My ugly racist uncle will be hidden from view
 
And someone write me a pop diva ballad real quick
And transpose it to a pitch that I can just about hit
Let’s have a 4-chord max, not too complex
and a chorus with mobile ring tone specs
 
I should cry now and tell the audience that the show tonight
Is something I’ve been working towards all my life
Even though I admit, I’m a bit hazy with that date
Cause the show’s only been around since 2008
 
Hike up the hype machine and pull all the stops
produce me like disposable plastic cups
And give me an elaborate back story that looks credible
The way that TV ads can make fast food look semi-edible
 
And there’s no doubt that people buy whatever we sell
So long as we can keep on packaging it well
When half the country’s now boisterously cheering for more
From a girl they hadn’t heard of until the week before
 
Follow my trajectory
From talent show celebrity
To dancing with the stars in time
To push my latest clothing line
To being the face of charities
And more-or-less biographies
And once that’s over I can go and
Be a judge on talent shows
 
So pull the trigger on the hype machine
And shoot in the direction of the average teen
And when they’ve been hit with the latest (s)hit
Reload and shoot me onto that movie screen
 

Ode to your body

So now that you are here I have a few ideas how we can spend our time
To elevate this night from pretty decent to exquisitely divine
 
So: you wouldn’t stay inside to pay the bills on a warm and sunny day
If you had your own lightsaber you wouldn’t use it as a desk light
And if you open a bottle of wine you drink it instead of letting it go stale
And if you had your own space ship you wouldn’t only use it for domestic flights
 
So do you really think that nature gave this body to you
Just to get from A to B and to process food
I’m sure that your creator would be rather hurt
If you didn’t think that proposition’s plain absurd
 
So what better way to have some fun
Than bliss for two for the price of none
Is it really so presumptuous
To optimise your felicific calculus
 
We can sleep soon enough
And in the meantime platonic can get stuffed
 
If you master telepathy you probably won’t need to send a fax
So why go get a massage when you have your own devoted volunteer
And if you could turn invisible you may choose not to pay any tax
Sure, Einstein played the violin but you wouldn’t have pushed him to make it a career (that would have been a relatively bad idea)
 
Should be quite effortless to make yourself at home
Let’s bolt the doors, turn off the phone
Why not practise awesomeness with me tonight
Why watch TV when you can be with me
 
Why defy your body’s most natural state
Why drive a car when you can levitate
Limiting your body in this crazy way
Is to close the curtains on a sunny day
 
We can sleep soon enough
And in the meantime platonic can get stuffed
 
For even a convinced Cartesian dualist
needs his mind and body to coexist
So while you're agile there’s no playground angle steep enough
No pleasure unattainable, no joy too much
 
We can sleep soon enough
And in the meantime, you know what
 

A small selection of things I would do if your soul got trapped.

(or: why sometimes even an ogre simply won’t do)
 
If your doors are closed and the door bell doesn't work
If the blinds are drawn and the windows are shut
If the landline phone goes straight to the answering machine
If there's no way to call you and even your blackberry's stuffed   
 
If there's a high voltage fence with a 55-digit code
With a burglar alarm that's incredibly loud
Or a castle with a drawbridge over an acidic moat
With Thick As A Brick walls in which case I “really don't mind if we sit this one out”
 
If there were Indiana Jones type dark corridors
I'd duck the arrows, solve riddles and leap over trap doors
Or get an ogre to lift me over the wall
Even if finding a suitable ogre ain't easy at all   
 
I would bribe the security staff with white wine from the Pfalz
Shawshank-Redemption my way through an underground pipeline
Or propel myself past the guards with a catapult
Could use the ogre of course but like i said they're hard to come by
 
I would distract the guard dogs with the finest meat
Jump on the roof with a massive-ass trampoline
I wouldn't just blast a hole in the wall
Because blasting holes just wouldn't be subtle at all
 
Might play some music and some piano too
Even though I realise that doesn't directly help you
But it keeps me focussed / in my thinking cap
This is a small selection of things I would do if your soul got trapped.
 

Time

I’m checking out, I’m checking out
Mind you, I was never really there
I’ve just been daydreaming out loud
But dreams and I are friends so I don’t care
 
I’m going home, I’m going home
To that state of charming, calming bliss
Where it’s ok to be alone
Where life means more than merely to exist
 
And I’m not that disengaged
Not at all, I just found a way
To make time a friend of mine
We just move at different speeds sometimes
 
I’m going back, I’m going back
To the smooth cocoon of my parallel sphere
I’m taking all the time I need with me
We’ll blast the past and then I’ll come back here
 
And it’s good-bye, I’m flying high
Into my escapist fantasy
And time might be cruel at times
But when I come back down I can turn it around
 
Counting heartbeats, counting sheep
Falling backwards, falling asleep
And fall into dreams
 
Don’t wake me up just yet, I just defeated gravity
the trick is to jump and not to land
Don’t wake me up just yet, I’m floating weightlessly
I steer through the clouds with the palm of my hand
 
Ending my nocturnal flight
With the blinding morning light
Stumbling into day
 
Don’t wake me up just yet, I can make time stand still
I can speak a million languages and read people’s minds,
Don’t wake me up just yet, I can match the speed of light
I can pass through solid walls and shape-shift at will
 
And there’s no place like my home
Right here in the twilight zone
Stumbling into day
 
 
*** Nominated for BEST FOREIGN RECORD at the international 2010 Prog Awards *** Runner-Up, 2010 Nashville Tennessee Concerts Song Contest *** FInalist x2, 2010 Great American Song Contest *** Finalist x2, 2010 Show Me The Music international songwriting competition *** Finalist, 2010 Expose Yourself international songwriting contest *** Honorable Mention x2, Nashville songwriting contest SongDoor 2010 *** Honorable Mention x2, Nashville songwriting contest SongDoor 2009 *** Honorable Mention, Great Lakes Songwriting Contest 2010 *** Semi-Finalist, 2010 international songwriting competition Song of the Year *** Semi-Finalist, 2010 UK Songwriting Contest *** Artist Of The Month, Anakina Musica (Italy) ***
(c) Ben Rusch, 2009/2010/2011, as appropriate - terms of use